Saturday, December 15, 2007

what's to come

i know that God has great things for me
it's just hard to see them all right now
so i stare into the ceiling
dreaming of what's sure to come

i know that God's word is true
it's just hard to believe it all right now
so i stare outside my window
hoping that my dreams will soon come true

i know that the christian life isn't easy
it's just hard to walk it faithfully
so i stare into the mirror
praying for the strength to finish

i know that every prayer will be answered
it's just that mine are a little late
so i stare into God's eyes
knowing that he will soon come through

i know that God has great things for me
he's keeping them stored up somewhere
as i grow into his image
preparing to some day receive them

© labujamra

Thursday, December 13, 2007

hot dogs and life

midway through my shift last night i found myself starving, with no money to buy myself dinner. all i wanted was a hot dog.

sick of hearing me talk about it, the clerk suddenly got up and put her coat on.

next thing i know, she's back, hot dog in hand. thrilled to pieces, i ate it without any hesitation, a big grin plastered on my face.

but here's the best part of the story. there was a third party involved. we'll call her rita.
rita had money. but the place was out of her kind of dog. so my friend doing the good deed used rita's money to buy my hotdog!!

i know this is a stretch, but how like salvation this story is.

desperately hungry, with nothing to bail myself out, i needed a third party to pay the price for my need.

that's what Jesus did for us: he took what was rightfully his, and willfully laid it down for us, so we could live freely for him!

it cost him everything.
and i'll spend the rest of my life thankful for him.
with a grin on my face.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

mean people

ever wonder why people are mean?
i run into them all the time.
mean drivers fighting you for the best parking spot in the lot.
mean grocery clerks, tired of being at their posts.
mean people, quick to verbally attack.
never giving the benefit of the doubt.
mean people even in the church.

shouldn't be a surprise..

yet all you have to do is dig a little deeper.
and you'll find that mean people are just tired.
mean people have often been hurt themselves.
and they just don't know what to do.
so they stop being nice, and they choose to be mean.

mean people make me sad.

making sense of the little things

i met these 2 really cool people this weekend. the meeting was unexpected and serendipitous.
i knew they would be cool, and i knew i was lucky to meet them.
but all good things come to an end, and before i knew it, they had both gotten on a plane and flown back to their respective homes.

and i'm left contemplating the meaning of the meeting.

i know there are some of you out there who think good things stand for themselves. that there doesn't have to be a great explanation for every great thing in life.
but i think differently.
i believe that there is a reason for every meeting, and that someday it will all make sense and fit like pieces of a sudoku puzzle.

i logged on to my new friends' websites (believe me, i use the word loosely).
i was hit with a wave of nausea as i realized that despite my personal grandiosity and occasional narcissism, i am just one in a thousand encountered by my new friends.

so i sit here this morning, lost in the surrounding fog, unable to see 200 yards away, quietly reflecting on the meaning of life.

does anyone know i'm out here?
does it take a blog to prove my existence?

then my mind wanders to a barn 2000 years ago.
and i smile as it dawns on me.
every little thing does matter.
there is someone who cares about the details.

and what looks like a random illegitimate birth in a stable under the eastern skies ends up being the greatest moment in human history.

suddenly, the fog seems to lift.
and i smile.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

tonight

It’s quiet in my house tonight.
You can almost hear a pin drop
There’s no one with whom to fight
No one to hold on tight

It’s cold in my house tonight
You can almost see my goose bumps
No way to keep warm in sight
I’m tempted to take flight

It’s lonely in my house tonight
You can almost feel the wind
Of my next door neighbor’s kite
As it flies into the heights

I’m dreaming in my house tonight
Of the day that’s sure to come
Where I’m free of this my plight
And it no longer feels like night

It’s Jesus in my house tonight
He walked in while I was busy
He said I had the right
To give him my dark night

It’s happy in my house tonight
I’ve decided to surrender
To Jesus all my rights
In return for something bright

© labujamra

Friday, December 7, 2007

christians

a friend sent me this poem that i want to share with you. I hope you enjoy it like i did.

Christians - By Maya Angelou


When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin'.'
I'm whispering 'I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace

Friday, November 30, 2007

clutter

i put away the laundry today!
it's something i try to procrastinate as much as possible, but there is a limit even to my delays: when the guest bedroom turns into a linen closet, i know i've waited way too long.
then i tried fitting in all my running t shirts and pajama bottoms in the little drawer in my dresser.

it was a clutter of confusion.

but i pushed shirts down, and stuffed them in, and before i knew it, i was able to slam the drawer shut. barely. God help the one who will attempt to open the drawer!

you know what i'm talking about. little trinkets with nowhere to go, so they end up in another storage box, piled up on another stack of books, or another slew of old CDs no one listens to anymore.

today i was thinking i hadn't blogged in a while. but it's not because i haven't had much to say, on the contrary, i've had too many thoughts swirling around my 2 ounce brain and the clutter in my mind is looking a lot like my dresser drawer.

what do you do, when this happens? when thoughts become so rushed, and it's hard to figure out something's head from its tail?

of course you can throw out all the t shirts and pajama bottoms, or buy another dresser. but i think there is really only one thing to do in these moments of clutter. one thing that gives a measure of reason and a drop of hope.

it's simple, really. when my mind is full of clutter, i turn off the radio. mute the TV. hang up the phone. shut down the computer.

and i choose to be still.

i then experience an unfamiliar and sometimes scary sensation.
some have referred to it as "silence".

but it is in this stillness that God brings order out of my confusion, neatness out of my clutter.

and another blog posted for anyone who cares to read it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

a tender heart

Give me Lord, a tender heart
a heart that's not on guard
gentleness and humility
the ability to love set free

Give me Lord, a heart so tender
ever patient ever gentle
quick to see the need around me
quick to sense you nudging me
always willing, surrendering
my own needs abandoning

Give me Lord a heart so tender
unafraid to surrender
it's been a while since I've cried
doesn't matter how I've tried

So Give me Lord a tender heart
a heart that's true, never hard
I want to be more than smart
holy humble and contrite
I know I struggle and I fight
please Lord - let me do what's right

Give me Lord a tender heart
a heart that worships from the start
ever longing to be broken
giving more than just a token

Give me Lord a tender heart
I need O Lord a tender heart
Now Lord - before I shrivel
I beg you Father to deliver
Please Lord a tender heart
ever Lord - not on guard

© labujamra

Monday, November 12, 2007

a moment

it takes a moment to change the course of one's life.

a moment to say yes, a moment to say no.

a cup of coffee with a friend.

a date.
a second date.
a marriage proposal.

a new job.
a promotion.
or not.

cheating on a test.
looking at another man's wife.
a yes. or a no.

the promise of love.
the "i miss you too".

Jesus' death on the cross for you

a yes.
or a no.

and eternity at stake, in nothing but
the power of a moment.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

inconvenience

i was thinking a little about what it is that keeps us from doing new things in life, and i've come to the conclusion that it can be summed up in one word:
inconvenience.

whether it's getting out of bed to have an early breakfast with a friend, or driving out to a bible study in the middle of the week, or starting a new relationship, there is an element of effort that i for one want to evade.

wake up, people! this is the age of starbucs drive throughs! even a cup of coffee can no longer just be enjoyed leisurely with a friend, or lazily with a book in hand, now we drink our coffee on the way to our next appointment - our favorite show that we tivo'd earlier in the day...

most of us email instead of calling thus avoiding a two way conversation. we can just hang up when we want to! we text because it's more convenient, when secretly it's because we know it's the best way to conveniently control our lives to our rhythms.

self centered? perhaps...

but opportunities are passing us by...opportunities to learn from others, to grow, and to sometimes even fail. opportunities to become a better version of who we are.

if we would only take the time to stop....
if we would only be inconvenienced for a moment.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

laziness

it's so much easier to be lazy.

so much easier to skip your workout, drop that relationship, refuse the challenge of starting something new.

so much easier to just stop blogging.

easier to stop asking the hard questions.

easier to not make any changes.

easier to give up on God.

easier to just be lazy.

watching TV, microwave dinners, drive throughs, even computers have taken the place of paper and pen.

we are a people who likes to be lazy.

easier to not take risks.

easier to miss the blessings.

easier to become jaded.

easier to refuse to become who we were truly meant to be.

who said easy was good?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

i'm going to san francisco for a few days, so you may not hear from me in a while. then again, if i find a computer, there's no telling what kind of things i may say..

i have mixed feelings about work related trips. i find myself burnt out on work related meetings. it's funny...i remember being a medical student, and wondering what it took to attend important meetings and play a key role in them.

now i find myself faced with responsibilities - i suppose you would call my job at this meeting a moderately key role...and all i can think of are the good old days when i was a free bird. days when i could skip all the sessions and enjoy the simple charm of a city. days where no one made demands, days where no one really looked for me.

not that a bunch of people do now..but just enough to annoy me. just enough to make this a real "work" meeting, leaving little room for freedom.

i guess the older i get the less ambitious i feel.

or maybe it's just that my ambitions have changed, my perspective taken on a sharper focus.

long gone is the desire to impress my colleagues. now i find myself just wanting to enjoy the days God has given me here on earth.

it's funny how that sinking realization comes almost a day late -
then again, it's never too late to live.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

yesterday i received a comment to my post "no title" that was kind and generous, but hinted at the notion that i was thinking of shutting down this blog.

today i feel the need to clarify that i have no intention of "going underground".
some of you may be taking a deep sigh of relief while others may be hitting your head against the wall...

here's the deal. i am who i am and am not ashamed of it. those who know me well know that i am not a voice to be silenced.

i do, however, strive to be loving and caring to all. and when my comments risk hurting others, even unintentionally, then those comments need to be moderated.

that is why i erased my post "on dating". which i somehow regret now. i liked that post. and i have since found out that amusement and not hurt was the result of it.

oh well. c'est la vie, as the french say, and i will just have to think of other more amusing things to blog about.

thank you all for reading and for your support.
i will likely post something later today.
keep waiting.

ps don't you all wish i had stuck to my touchy feely punch line posts of yonder days?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

no title

so, it may seem like i haven't blogged in a while, but the truth is that i did post a blog last week that i quickly removed.

here's the thing about blogs: they aren't anonymous.

and sooner or later, i'm finding out that posts come back to haunt me.

the funniest part about that wretched blog is that the very person that i wasn't sure i wanted to read my blog happenstanced upon it.

well, he and my brother of course. i can always count on my brother to read my blogs and comment on them.

and he always has good stuff to say about them, mind you.

not that i post all his comments. but that shouldn't be taken personally either.
i believe it's my right to decide what i post on my blog.
like freedom of speech or something.

anyway - my views on dating haven't changed much in a week. and no matter what anyone says, dating is not like a business deal.

it's much more complicated than that.
and i for one don't claim to know anything about it.

good night.

Monday, October 15, 2007

easy to fix

today a "friend" of mine complained that my blogs all sound the same.

now that's a problem that's easy to fix.

stop reading.

wish everything in life was that easy.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

it's raining

i drove down from Wisconsin to Chicago today, and it rained the whole way down. almost.

here's how it played out. when i left wisconsin, the packers were losing. it was terrible. the rain wouldn't stop. i could barely see the road, and my contact suddenly moved from its place in the middle of my eye.

between trying to adjust it, and worrying about the packers, things were looking grim. then to make matters worse, i was almost out of gas. the light in the dashboard came on. i hate that. it makes me nervous. but at least by now my eye was back to normal. still - i couldn't shake this feeling that things were going to get worse.

the rain wouldn't stop. somehow, the packers managed to score enough to lead by three. but of course, then came the inevitable turnovers. but then it was the redskins that lost the ball and we recovered on the 9 yard line. the offense - true to form - and despite my all time favorite quarterback's middle aged effort, were unable to capitalize on that "gimme". and there was still a quarter and a half left to play.

did i mention that the rain just wouldn't stop. i had a bad feeling about the home team's ability to pull this one off.

but i kept listening to the "static-ey" am station. i hate am stations. the light no my dashboard was still yellow. and i was stuck in stop and go traffic. my heart was beating fast. faster than it has beaten in a while.

and just when things couldn't seem to get worse, the oasis sign flashed before my eyes.
by the time my gas tank was full again, i noticed something else too.
the rain had stopped.
and the game was over.
the packers won by 3.

is it raining in your life today?
just wait. before you know it, the rain will stop.
it always does.

Monday, October 8, 2007

discontent

the last couple of days have been beautiful sunny summer like days in chicago - at a time when temperatures are usually 20 degrees lower.

people at work have mixed feelings about this. some people - the sun lovers - are thrilled. others, the snow birds, can't stand it.

i got to thinking...that's the trouble with us. it's alway either too cold, or too hot. too wet or too dry.

and our dissatisfaction isn't limited to the weather system. it extends to the stuff we own. things are either too expensive, or too cheap. too long or too short. too stylish, or too dowdy.

and then there are the people we meet. especially guys. they are either too good looking, or not good looking enough. too rich or too poor. too nice or not nice enough. too organized, or too sloppy. too strict or too loose. too touchy feely or not sensitive enough.

and how about work? a day is either too busy, or too slow. the customers too demanding, or too carefree. too rushed, or too slow. too smart, or just not smart enough.

most of us think of God that way too. He's too judgmental, or too merciful. too much grace or too much law. too generous to those who don't need anything, or too forgetful of our needs. too patient with our enemies who deserve punishment, or too attentive when it comes to our small sins.

never happy. always complaining. discontent.
and plain wrong.

maybe it's time to change.

Friday, October 5, 2007

boss pleasers

as i sit here and blog, i'm missing a meeting at work. a meeting that is not mandatory, but that is of some importance. it's not for lack of trying, or believing that it's a good meeting...but it's purely and simply for reasons that are honorable and true.

what's funny is that the first thought i had as i glanced at my watch and noticed that making the meeting had become an improbability, was that my boss would be ticked. and i realized that what bothered me more wasn't that i would miss a potentially useful meeting, but that my motive in going to that meeting had more to do with pleasing my boss than anything else.

when did i become the kind of person that tries so hard to please my boss? when did i lose sight of what is most important in my life? when did i become such a boss pleaser?

listen, i'm not advocating dropping personal work responsibilities. but i am telling myself it's time to reevaluate why i do what i do. it's time to refocus, and make first things first. it's time i realize that the reason i work hard, and the reason i strive for excellence has nothing to do with the guy in the corner office.

it has everything to do with the guy in the upstairs office.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

he spoke

do you ever go through times where you don't really hear from God? i hate those times. it can be confusing trying to figure out why those lulls linger. is it unconfessed sin in my life? or am i just not stopping long enough to hear what he has to say?

i think somewhere in my warped mind i picture God waiting for me, and when i say "go", he will start speaking. like it all hinges on me.

yeah, scary - i know...but that's how nuts i can be.

i recently went through such a time. it was frustrating enough to feel forsaken by God, but the timing couldn't have been worse. i was facing the beginning of a new ministry, and was going through a number of personal struggles.

what could i do? believe me, i tried everything - from pitching a fit, to talking to others about God and his neglect of me, to using the silent treatment to force him to speak.

how silly i am, when faced with this plight!

i finally gave up and simply figured i'd take him at his word, and wait.

two days ago the answer came. like waters breaking through a dam, like the mighty rushing wind, there was no mistaking his voice.

have i mentioned that there is nothing like it?
so if you find yourself staring into space, wondering if he ever will speak, keep waiting. the answer will come, just not when you want it and not how you want it.
after all, you're not God.
He is.

breaking bad habits

bad habits are hard to break.
you know what i'm talking about.

some people overspend, others overeat. and yet others over exercise. i wish that were me!
some people gossip, others get angry, and then there are some that just can't agree.
for some it's what they do, for others it's what they think, and for many it's still what they see.

you know what i'm talking about. some habits are just hard to break.

it's not for not wanting to change. but time and again, some people try hard, others try harder, and yet on their faces they keep falling.

the answer is easy, but so hard to do. one step at a time, one day at a time.
Christ gives the strength, and change you He will.
you must never give up.
he helps you again and again.

Monday, September 24, 2007

silence

what's so hard about being silent?

i think about my life.
mistreated. misjudged. misunderstood.
unappreciated. unrecognized. sometimes underestimated.
and i am quick to speak. quick to fight for my honor, my dignity, my self.

then i think about His life.
mistreated. misjudged. misunderstood.
unappreciated. unrecognized. often unwelcome.
and i am quick to see. not a word spoken. absolute silence.

what's so hard about being silent?

© labujamra

Friday, September 21, 2007

new beginnings

i love all things new. i remember buying my first new car. how clean it smelled. i also remember with fondness the look of my first new apartment, the paint still a crispy white and the furniture untouched. i remember opening the fridge that still had no trace of use.

oh, and i love new clothes, how they hang in the closet, without a wrinkle. i love finding new restaurants, or a new road to work, a shortcut perhaps. and of course i love a new friend, the beginning of a new relationship and all it has to offer.

i love that God is about new beginnings. yesterday was the first day of the bible study "power at work". new people coming together for a new year of bible study with much promise and enthusiasm. new curricula given out to women hungry to delve into God's word for new wisdom. an opportunity to turn a new page and start fresh with God, examining goals for the year and setting new priorities.

i love it.

it reminds me of God's mercies, new every morning.
his forgiveness, poured out again and again, giving us a chance to start all over again, no matter how "dumb" we've been.
his grace, newly felt after stumbling down the wrong path for the umpteenth time.
his love, enveloping us afresh, allowing us to extend ourselves once more to that person who hurt us regardless of deservedness.

new life. new hope. new opportunities.
revel in that thought, why don't you, and resolve to make a new beginning today.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

great poem

I loved this. Hope you enjoy it too. I'm not sure who the author is.

"I walked a mile with pleasure,
she chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow,
and ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
when sorrow walked with me."

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

forgiveness

the longer i'm a Christian, the harder it is to ask God's forgiveness for my sinful actions.

when i was a young Christian, it was easy. half the time i didn't know that i was doing wrong, and i felt that God was still in the process of teaching me new things. there were habits that needed to be broken, sinful ways to be made right. there were things i just didn't know.

a bit later on, when i had grown up a bit, i started noticing that i would still sin in areas that i knew were wrong. but i figured God knew that i needed reinforcement. so i would try to impress him with the quality of my plea for forgiveness. i would also count the days i would go before sinning in that area again. the longer the time between sinful episodes, the better i felt about myself.

lately, though, i am what you would consider a fully grown Christian. i can feed myself, dress myself, and am even showing others how to do those things. and this is where things have gotten hairy. because all of a sudden, asking God to forgive me for things i know i shouldn't have done sounds trite and insincere.

do you ever feel that way? the funny thing is that even as i'm typing those words, i realize the silliness of my self made, performance based, 'i can impress God with my actions' theology!

God is love. His steadfast love endures forever. His mercy is everlasting. There is no end to His patience. There is no limit to His faithfulness. That's who He is.

but, but, but - wait a second....how can it be so easy, you're wondering?

that's the thing. it isn't. it wasn't. it cost God EVERYTHING for us to have that privilege.

it cost God his Son.

do you get it?
God forgives.
so just ask him already!
no matter how "old" you are...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

hello everyone. i'm still here. sorry i haven't blogged in a while. but i find it's tougher keeping up a blog than i had anticipated. all of a sudden i'm worrying about new things in my life - like is the blog interesting...is anyone really reading it....how many days should i wait between blogs....should i just write something really deep once a week, or should i overload the blog with daily nonsense.

as if i didn't have enough things to worry about already!

well, i don't have that much to say today. it was one of those great days with great weather, a great sermon at church, great time with friends at lunch. i had a great haircut, then spent a great evening with my sister's family and the day is not even over yet.

ugh. i'm going to be sick. did anyone say great!!

anyway, here's what i've decided. look for a new blog every couple of days. i'm planning on mixing it up. some blogs will be useless like this one, others will include my deep (though still useless!) thoughts. your comments are welcome.

meanwhile, have a great week at work.
because here's a thought: your day can be great, even at work!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

what a day

i had one of those days today that i'd rather erase from my memory - my boss and i had it out. and although most of what he said was unfair, there was about 2% of truth to his words.

2% of truth that hurts!

here i was functioning under the impression that i was the best thing that's ever happened to my work, secretly thinking that they were just lucky to have me!!

but apparently, i'm not perfect... who knew??

have you ever been there? all of a sudden, one of your itsy bitsy flaws is magnified for everyone to see. ouch!

what do you do when you are put in that painful place?

of course i got angry, i felt victimized, then i had bad thoughts about my boss. and i confess i was even close to tears driving home....but as i finally got my prayer hat on, and started thinking about what Jesus would do, i realized that there was only one solution for me.

say no to self. humble self. take responsibility for my actions. confess. repent. change.

words that hurt. but words a christian cannot ignore.

i think i'm already on the road to change, but i have a feeling it's gonna be a bumpy road ahead.

believe me, i may even need a supernatural force to help me out!

oh, but here's the thing: i already have that supernatural force in me.
his name is Jesus.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

passion

As I look out my window I see the path that leads to a stadium. There is a soccer game this afternoon, and I have never in my entire life seen so many people rushing to one place with a single goal in mind: cheering their favorite team on to victory.

Passion for something is an interesting concept. You can be passionate about a sports team, an activity, a particular gadget.

Still - misplaced passion - as passionate as it sounds - means absolutely nothing. The point isn't the passion itself, but the object of one's passion.

We live in a time where ideology is rampant. Most of the people I work with are pretty passionate about things like global warming and recycling. I suppose to work in the crazy ER environment, one also has to be passionate about helping the poor and social equality.

And then there's religion. Who hasn't heard of great acts of philanthropy and sacrifice in the name of a church or a particular faith? Passion continues to lead many young men and women to give their lives in the name of their false god.

But again: misplaced passion means absolutely nothing!

One day, we will see hoards of people marching on - not to a soccer game - but to face Jesus Christ - sitting on His throne. Refusing to believe that notion does nothing to change the reality of it. It will happen.

Will you recognize him when you walk into that stadium?

Believe me - if you know Jesus - well, that's something to cheer passionately about - at home or at work!! Don't wait until eternity to electrify your world with that knowledge. Reach out in love to those around you with that truth. It could change their life.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

my first blog

It's a lot of pressure trying to figure out what to say on this first blog!! I know, I know, only 2 people are actually going to read it, but those 2 people could end up being my mother and Oprah Winfrey!!

Power at work.

I want it. I want to be able to face my boss and respond in love. I want to reach out in kindness to that really really mean person in the cubicle next door. I want to turn the other cheek, be willing to give up the seat up front, and, yes, pick up that towel to wash those feet.

It sounds lofty. And maybe it is. But that's the thing about Bible Study. God has a way of showing up during Bible Study. And what seems impossible all of a sudden becomes natural.

Power at work. It is possible.

Why don't you give it a try this year?

Come to Harvest Bible Chapel in Rolling Meadows Illinois on Thursday night at 7pm. I'm teaching the class called power at work: biblical principles for the working women. We're studying the book of genesis. It's gonna be great.

You can also check out my website poweratwork.org for more detals about the class!