yesterday

Surrounding me the color hues

Of reds and yellows and background blues

Reminding me that sometime soon

The days the years they vanish too

One by one the leaves fall down

Like broken dreams forgotten now

While busy people trample by

Rushing on with empty frowns

Along the way beneath the clouds

With head held high a lonely swan

In stately splendor floats on by

Unaware of furrowed brows

Oh days of yonder days gone by

When all that filled my idle times

Were hopes and dreams yet still to come

Now fading ‘neath the growing piles

© labujamra

untitled

Holy Spirit have your way
in my life come what may
ears to listen tis my prayer
a heart that's willing to obey

take my worries toil and care
give me joy and peace today
make me soft and broken too
quick to listen love and do

where there's anger bring your peace
where there's fear be still near
when i'm wronged help me be still
when i'm tried i'll wait on you

come Holy Spirit come
in this moment through the day
take control have your way
settle o'er me always

© labujamra

stillness

Take me to the place
where i can hear
the waves ripple
the winds whistle
and minnows bristle

Take me to the place
where i can see
far above the highest tree
over sailboats anchored deep
in waters steep

Take me to the place
where i can taste
the quiet of the evening shade
and feel the moon upon my face
and what you say

Take me to the place
where i can dream
and stillness dares
to intercede
and all is peace

© labujamra

update

i feel like i owe the few random readers of this blog a sort of apology/explanation for the sporadic entries of late. no.....i'm not thru saying what i have to say....i've just had a bit of a break as i've been expending my mental energies teaching the Bible instead! i will be thru with this short busy season by the first week of august and you should get regular input from me at that time.

if you are a woman in your 20-30s, come to harvest bible chapel on thursday night for the connect bible study and you can catch me there. it's been a blast teaching there.

otherwise, you can catch me at the Elgin women's conference at harvest bible chapel for the pearls conference: http://www.harvestbible.org/Content/4/155002.pdf

have a great summer until i write again!

longing

can you hear me even though i'm silent

can you see my tears though my face is dry

do you know how much i need you

that i can't last another day without you

do you know how much i'm longing

to give you my whole heart

do you know how much i'm hungry 

for a heart that never parts

Lord i'm so longing for you

i'm so desperate for your holiness

i'm so broken inside 

i don't think i can survive

can you hear my heart even though it's breaking

do you see all the shattered pieces

do you know how much i want to

follow you for all eternity

do you know how much i want 

a life of full surrender

do you know how much i need you

at any cost o lord, to humble me

father i'm so longing for your presence

i'm so desperate to obey

i'm offering you more than just emotion

here's my heart it's yours to keep

© labujamra

 

outside

i'm on the outside looking in

where folks are gathered

to laugh and sing

and share old tales

of climbing gales

and sinking valleys

and still the glass

though clear to see

separates

I'm on the outside looking in

i knock i wait

gesticulate

hoping if i laugh and sing

some poor old soul

will let me in

where i can join

the gathered throng

participate

I'm on the outside looking in

it's bleak out here

the clouds are thick

the raindrops stick

i crane to see

faces blurred

no longer clear

the glass has lost

transparency

I'm on the outside looking in

if only i could find a way

to enter in some narrow way

perhaps someday

the glass will break

and step by step

i'll make it there

but for today

i watch i wait

© labujamra

thankful

this little light of mine
i was gonna let it shine
but mired by a bog of clay
i found it hard to pray
let alone to say
where all of my strength lay

and with all flavor gone
i might as well be thrown

wasted bland ashamed

i was driven to despair

and heard the piercing cries

a life of hypocrisy

but then my savior's voice

whispered oer the noise

tis not your life that counts

but mine that paid the cost

my blood once spilled not lost

so precious is that cross

© labujamra

impact

I thought I could change the world

with the power of my words

I thought I could make you smile

if I walked with you a mile

I thought I could help you see

how rich your life could be

I thought my good intentions were enough

to help you overcome your stuff

I thought I thought

O vain the thought

I talked and talked

and still you balked

But I'm a little older now

and I can see more clearly how

it's time to let you go

to let God take control

It's taken me a while to learn

it's not my hand that's at the stearn

it's not my words my time my way

but all about God's endless grace

© labujamra

tribute to single women

i know God has a man for me somewhere

o where o where is his pretty mane

i wonder have you seen his handsome face

roaming among millions all over the place

does he have a page on my space

does he carry himself with much grace

do you know if he has a job that pays

does he have a past to erase

if you see him resting near the fray

won't you kindly point him my way

tell him i've been waiting

while the chimes are sounding

tell him i like flowers

and houses with big gardens

and don't forget my ardor

for men with a little candor

© labujamra

reality check

Have you ever been living your life, minding your own business, trying to make the best of things, when you suddenly hit a wall? 

I'm not sure when I started veering off the main road, i'm not sure when i took that wrong turn, but somehow, someway, i did. And it's been ugly.

The funny thing about it is that a lot of people may not have noticed a huge change. After all, these kinds of things happen slowly, subtly, and it only becomes obvious that something is wrong when you're suddenly 100 miles down the road and too lost to turn around. 

I suppose some people could explain away the subtleties. Oh, she just broke off her engagement. Give her some time to adjust, to rearrange her life dreams and vision. Or maybe it's the economy. Times are tight. Everyone is stressed out. It could even be a family thing, her parents are aging, you know how hard that can be. I suppose some people may even understand and excuse the changes. After all, it's busier than ever in the ER....this swine flu thing really took a hit on everyone....no one appreciates doctors anymore, the hours are long, the pay is low...and on and on the excuses go.

But today i've decided no more excuses. No more pretexts. No more blaming my boss, or the current administration, or the check out lady at the grocery store.

I'm making some changes starting today. I'm making some resolutions starting now. I'm sure this list will grow, but a girl's gotta start somewhere....so, here goes:

Resolved to put God back on the throne.

Resolved to be quick to repent over my wrong attitudes, wrong motives, wrong choices and wrong words (because i know i'll fail and often!)

Resolved to go back to the basics.

Resolved to love those who are hard to love.

Resolved to listen more and speak less.

Resolved to give up my rights for the good of others.

Resolved to refuse the lies of the devil. 

Resolved to wait.

Resolved to enjoy today because i don't know what tomorrow brings.

Resolved to trust God's timing and plan.

Resolved to proclaim Christ in everything i do, and when actions fail me, to speak His name loudly and resolutely.

Resolved to respect everyone. no exceptions.

Resolved to recognize and submit to the authorities in my life even when i don't agree with their decisions.

Resolved to live my life for God's pleasure and renown.

Resolved to love Christ and the cross.

He is my life, my hope, my all. It's time  i start living that way again.

So help me God.

broken

He can't walk she quietly complained

can you check his legs I think he's in pain

maybe his toe, it's fused and it's hurting

maybe he's slow because he's not eating

His arm it's not moving I thought I heard her saying

please doctor check it make sure it's not aching

what if something happened

what if someone hurt him

He lay in her arms listless and not moving

his tiny body limp helpless unassuming

his father now long gone, his only hope

his mother I pondered with a frown

And then much too soon the pieces all fit in

I knew I had the answers the ones I wished I didn't

I eyed her with contempt all innocence forgotten

I spit the words out harshly his every bone is broken

© labujamra

confusion

I've been waiting for God knows what

looking for who knows who

going only God knows where

I've been searching for who knows what

aiming for God knows where

asking only who knows why

I've been wondering about God knows what

praying for who knows who

pondering only God knows why

I've been listening for who knows what

straining for God knows where

hoping only who knows why

I'm thankful because God knows what

leaning because He knows where

smiling only I know why

© labujamra

top 10 reasons i had a good ER shift

10. i get to leave 5 minutes early

9. not a single parent questions my judgment or disagrees with my plan of care

8. the test i do is actually positive for a change

7. every spanish speaking family actually has its own family interpreter with them

6. i don't fight with any consultants

5. i don't fight with any primary care physicians

4. not a single parent warns me that their real job is in the law

3. no one dies

2. i'm not the patient. i'm just the person seeing the patient

1. i actually look forward to going back for another round today

still alive!

I just can't believe it's been over a year since i last blogged.
But I'm back!!!

You may be wondering where I've been....where should I start?
I've been busy....I've spent some time arguing with Louise at the local Jewel Osco, and I've had my share of car trouble....oh, and I was in and out of a serious relationship....

But, well, you know...nothing too unusual....

The important thing is that I'm back so be on the outlook for new entries now!

And I have missed you all....well, at least the handful of people who kindly lied to me and told me they read my entries!

Talk to you again soon!