he spoke

do you ever go through times where you don't really hear from God? i hate those times. it can be confusing trying to figure out why those lulls linger. is it unconfessed sin in my life? or am i just not stopping long enough to hear what he has to say?

i think somewhere in my warped mind i picture God waiting for me, and when i say "go", he will start speaking. like it all hinges on me.

yeah, scary - i know...but that's how nuts i can be.

i recently went through such a time. it was frustrating enough to feel forsaken by God, but the timing couldn't have been worse. i was facing the beginning of a new ministry, and was going through a number of personal struggles.

what could i do? believe me, i tried everything - from pitching a fit, to talking to others about God and his neglect of me, to using the silent treatment to force him to speak.

how silly i am, when faced with this plight!

i finally gave up and simply figured i'd take him at his word, and wait.

two days ago the answer came. like waters breaking through a dam, like the mighty rushing wind, there was no mistaking his voice.

have i mentioned that there is nothing like it?
so if you find yourself staring into space, wondering if he ever will speak, keep waiting. the answer will come, just not when you want it and not how you want it.
after all, you're not God.
He is.

breaking bad habits

bad habits are hard to break.
you know what i'm talking about.

some people overspend, others overeat. and yet others over exercise. i wish that were me!
some people gossip, others get angry, and then there are some that just can't agree.
for some it's what they do, for others it's what they think, and for many it's still what they see.

you know what i'm talking about. some habits are just hard to break.

it's not for not wanting to change. but time and again, some people try hard, others try harder, and yet on their faces they keep falling.

the answer is easy, but so hard to do. one step at a time, one day at a time.
Christ gives the strength, and change you He will.
you must never give up.
he helps you again and again.

silence

what's so hard about being silent?

i think about my life.
mistreated. misjudged. misunderstood.
unappreciated. unrecognized. sometimes underestimated.
and i am quick to speak. quick to fight for my honor, my dignity, my self.

then i think about His life.
mistreated. misjudged. misunderstood.
unappreciated. unrecognized. often unwelcome.
and i am quick to see. not a word spoken. absolute silence.

what's so hard about being silent?

© labujamra

new beginnings

i love all things new. i remember buying my first new car. how clean it smelled. i also remember with fondness the look of my first new apartment, the paint still a crispy white and the furniture untouched. i remember opening the fridge that still had no trace of use.

oh, and i love new clothes, how they hang in the closet, without a wrinkle. i love finding new restaurants, or a new road to work, a shortcut perhaps. and of course i love a new friend, the beginning of a new relationship and all it has to offer.

i love that God is about new beginnings. yesterday was the first day of the bible study "power at work". new people coming together for a new year of bible study with much promise and enthusiasm. new curricula given out to women hungry to delve into God's word for new wisdom. an opportunity to turn a new page and start fresh with God, examining goals for the year and setting new priorities.

i love it.

it reminds me of God's mercies, new every morning.
his forgiveness, poured out again and again, giving us a chance to start all over again, no matter how "dumb" we've been.
his grace, newly felt after stumbling down the wrong path for the umpteenth time.
his love, enveloping us afresh, allowing us to extend ourselves once more to that person who hurt us regardless of deservedness.

new life. new hope. new opportunities.
revel in that thought, why don't you, and resolve to make a new beginning today.

great poem

I loved this. Hope you enjoy it too. I'm not sure who the author is.

"I walked a mile with pleasure,
she chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow,
and ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
when sorrow walked with me."

forgiveness

the longer i'm a Christian, the harder it is to ask God's forgiveness for my sinful actions.

when i was a young Christian, it was easy. half the time i didn't know that i was doing wrong, and i felt that God was still in the process of teaching me new things. there were habits that needed to be broken, sinful ways to be made right. there were things i just didn't know.

a bit later on, when i had grown up a bit, i started noticing that i would still sin in areas that i knew were wrong. but i figured God knew that i needed reinforcement. so i would try to impress him with the quality of my plea for forgiveness. i would also count the days i would go before sinning in that area again. the longer the time between sinful episodes, the better i felt about myself.

lately, though, i am what you would consider a fully grown Christian. i can feed myself, dress myself, and am even showing others how to do those things. and this is where things have gotten hairy. because all of a sudden, asking God to forgive me for things i know i shouldn't have done sounds trite and insincere.

do you ever feel that way? the funny thing is that even as i'm typing those words, i realize the silliness of my self made, performance based, 'i can impress God with my actions' theology!

God is love. His steadfast love endures forever. His mercy is everlasting. There is no end to His patience. There is no limit to His faithfulness. That's who He is.

but, but, but - wait a second....how can it be so easy, you're wondering?

that's the thing. it isn't. it wasn't. it cost God EVERYTHING for us to have that privilege.

it cost God his Son.

do you get it?
God forgives.
so just ask him already!
no matter how "old" you are...

hello everyone. i'm still here. sorry i haven't blogged in a while. but i find it's tougher keeping up a blog than i had anticipated. all of a sudden i'm worrying about new things in my life - like is the blog interesting...is anyone really reading it....how many days should i wait between blogs....should i just write something really deep once a week, or should i overload the blog with daily nonsense.

as if i didn't have enough things to worry about already!

well, i don't have that much to say today. it was one of those great days with great weather, a great sermon at church, great time with friends at lunch. i had a great haircut, then spent a great evening with my sister's family and the day is not even over yet.

ugh. i'm going to be sick. did anyone say great!!

anyway, here's what i've decided. look for a new blog every couple of days. i'm planning on mixing it up. some blogs will be useless like this one, others will include my deep (though still useless!) thoughts. your comments are welcome.

meanwhile, have a great week at work.
because here's a thought: your day can be great, even at work!